Encouraged to Entrust the Key

I’ve just read Ali Smith’s book called “Entrusting the Key” which was given to me by my friend Stevie (my nickname for her). She had messaged me out of the blue saying she had left something for me and that I should make sure to pick it up that afternoon no matter what.

It was the aforementioned book and it came with a letter where she encouraged me about trusting God in this season of my life. She said she couldn’t help but think of me upon seeing this book and as I finished her letter, I looked at the book cover with a little bit of dread and said to myself “Oh great, another self-help book for single women.” 

I tried to read a few pages but couldn’t follow through because my day was packed with meetings. But one Sunday afternoon, as I sat in my mum’s couch (I was visiting the family for the weekend), I had managed to devour the book in one sitting. I found myself shrinking back the writer’s experiences which I could so painfully relate to. In between chapters I would stop and cry out to God the very contents of my heart. I didn’t hear an audible voice talk back, but I did feel good knowing He heard me.

This book is about someone who went from serial dating to joyfully waiting. Ouch. yes. That’s me. Serial dater. I’m coming off a painful catharsis actually. God finally closed a chapter of my life and removed someone who proved to have really pulled me down and held me back for an entire year. I didn’t even notice that it had already been a year. Wow. I wasted 12 months on the wrong person. Then again, in those 12 months, I was sort of the wrong person too: wrong in the sense that I was not allowing God to mold me into the woman he intends me to be.

So here I sit hacking away my thoughts and emotions and slight self-recriminations about “having to start over” and “being back to square one” when my brother’s words echo in my head. He said “You’re not back to square one. You’ve reached another level. All the things you’ve been through were all ingredients, tools that God was refining to help you get through the next hurdles. Don’t think you’re back to square one. God is constantly and consistently at work in you.”

In a sense, I am starting from scratch but only is terms of having a clean slate. I’ve asked forgiveness and repented for my rebellious ways and the bad decisions I made, and I am claiming God’s fresh mercy and unfailing love to help me start over.

It’s not easy, but I won’t be alone. I’m learning to once and for all really entrust the key to the Maker of my being.